Monday, February 11, 2008

10 Things I Hate About Matthew McConaughey

Since the last two articles I've posted have had Wolf or Wolves in the title I thought I'd mix it up a bit. Over the weekend the aptly titled Fools Gold starring Matthew McConaughey brought in over 22 million bone$. From what I can deduce based on the trailer it is about McConaughey as a crazy bachelor with his shirt off being chased by a hot lady. It's good to see as an actor he continually takes on challenging roles. Seriously, I'm not asking for Daniel Day-Lewis or anything, but how can he shamlessly re-do the same bullshit over and over again. For some reason today this all came out of me in an enraged monologue and I thought I should make an abridged version in this list. So here it is, 10 Things I Hate About Matthew McConaughey.
1. The last name McConaughey (this didn't particularly bother me until I began writing this and released it's hard as hell to spell and I had to keep looking it up, which has taken me a long time to write this list.)
2. He is always shirtless
3. He is always wet
4. He is always smiling
5. He is always shirtless, wet, and smiling
6. He turns on overweight women over 45, which then leads to them making innuendos that involve food and licking their lips. Horrifying
7. His forays into serious roles that end up more comical than shit like
Fools Gold (ie. Two For the Money)
8. He doesn't wear deodorant (which makes number 2 and 3 seem alot worse)
9. He is afraid of revolving doors (yes, like a dog. No word on if he is afraid of the vaccum)
10. His life motto is "Just Keep Living" (this sounds like a line from Joe Dirt, except he is serious)
There it is, the ten things I hate about Matthew McConaughey. In 20 years I will probably visit this list again, because he is having a kid. Yep, another generation of one dimensional rednecks, probably named Bud Wyser because "hey I love my son almost as much as I love a nice brew in the sun, with my shirt off."

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